be aware

I think a lot of us really struggle with being honest with ourselves. And in turn, of course, there's no way to be honest with the people around us if we aren't honest with ourselves. And one area in life that this affects us in a major way, is in entering relationships. And at THIS age... potential marriages.

We ask xyz of this potential partner and we haven't really looked at what WE have (or don't have) to offer when it comes to a true union. And it's always easier to point out someone else's flaws than to face/address your own. 

Now, I'm V E R Y stingy with my time, in general so I've never been in the business of wasting anyone else's... but some questions that I have asked MYSELF recently, when thinking about potential time wasted (on my end OR someone else's end), include:

What do you want? Are you honest in your intentions? Are you willing to sacrifice? Do you know how to compromise? Are you a good listener? Are you a good communicator? Can you articulate your feelings effectively? Or do you just shut down when something is bothering you, expecting the problem to be magically solved? Are you understanding? Can you compromise? Do you know what it means to forgive? And I mean TRULY forgive... not SAYING that you've forgiven, but then bringing it up in an argument every two weeks and/or making smart comments and low-blows about the situation... are you compassionate? Do you have baggage that you haven't tended to? Do you assume instead of asking? Are you ACTUALLY over your last relationship? Do you know how to budget? Are you selfish? Does it scare you to be selfLESS? Are you the same person when nobody is looking? Do you adjust your personality/character traits to fit into the life of the person you're trying to pursue? Does lying comes easy to you? Are you soooooo uncomfortable with who you REALLY are that you have to be dishonest about it?... 

I could go on and on, and on and on.... but I promise you that I don't have all the answers. I just think we ignore all these things about ourselves, just off the strength of being able to say that we have someone! Or being able to have our cake and eat it, too. Whatever tf that even means... Truth be told, half of us can't even maintain solid FRIENDSHIPS, let alone relationships. 

But honestly, when I think about some of these questions, I'm like... "Eh." Lmao... Things are so different when you're used to doing your own thing. But it takes hard work to COMBINE LIVES with a whole human being. One that has been raised differently than you and has gone through completely different experiences. And of course, everybody thinks their way of doing things is THE RIGHT WAY. So, it's 49025839 times harder.

So again, if you can't be honest with YOURSELF, it's impossible to be honest with the people around you. Do some self reflecting. In real life. It'll change your life. And it'll save you from ruining someone else's.... You can't ask people to bring things to your broken down table.

Peace and love. Love and light.